I felt like I needed to add some more to our blog today and realized that we have yet to share the story of how we chose adoption. I apologize ahead of time, as I know infertility can sometimes make people uncomfortable.
The story starts back to my childhood actually. My mother was told when she first got married that she would find it very difficult to become pregnant. Surprisingly, she had no trouble at all becoming pregnant with me VERY shortly after my parents got married. My parents wanted very badly to have more children and struggled for a long time with it. My sister finally came along nine years later. My mom has always been faithful in knowing that we were the two children meant for her and she has never felt that anyone was missing. I wouldn't trade having just one sibling for the world, although I do like to tease my sister that I always asked for a brother. ;)
When I became a teenager I always suspected that I would likely encounter some of the same issues as my mom when it came time for me to have my family. In college I had quite a few problems, including a trip to the emergency room because of it. I was put on several medications in the hope that it would regulate things so that I could have a family someday. When Chad and I became engaged, we talked about all the wonderful things that need to be talked about before getting married, including starting a family. I told him my concerns, but Chad being the guy that he is told me not to worry about it and that we would deal with it when we needed to.
The time came and with no surprise to me, there were problems. My doctor, knowing that infertility would likely come up, allowed us to start testing a bit sooner then she usually recommends. After several tests, things were slightly inconclusive and we were referred to the infertility specialist. We had no idea what to expect when we went there, nor the high costs that accrue. Our doctor was wonderful and very positive with us. At every appointment she made it a point to check in with how we were feeling emotionally about how things were going. With the specialist, we completed even more testing and still hit a dead end, but we started doing treatments. We completed three IUIs that were completely unsuccessful. We were tired, frustrated, and confused about what the right path was for us by this point. No one could tell us what was wrong or why things were not working out. For me that was the worst part. If only we knew what was wrong, then it could be fixed!
Chad has always wanted to adopt and had always brought it up to me since I can remember. His grandfather was adopted and he has been around other friends and family that have adopted in the past as well. My experience with adoption has been through my job as a social worker and it has not always been a positive outlook. What is so funny about this, is that with most couples that choose adoption, it's usually the wife that really wants to adopt while the husband drags his feet! It ended up being the exact opposite for us!
Again I pushed the adoption option aside and we tried for a fourth IUI. This time I was on medication to help increase our chances and after the ultrasound we found that there was not a more perfect situation to try for it. Even our doctor told us that she thought this was the one. 14 long excruciating days went by only to find that it had failed, yet again. We were totally and completely heartbroken at this point. We had given so much time, money, and tears into it only to walk away from the most perfect situation with nothing. I did continue to take the medication, but this was also not without failure. I struggled for such a long time with what I saw as my failure in life. I could not understand why our Father in Heaven wanted for his children to have families, but was not allowing us to have ours.
I look back on our journey over what has now been three years and realize now the path the Lord has put us on and while it is not over, I feel comforted in knowing that there is a plan for each of us. Over the months that followed our final failed attempts with infertility I see that the Lord truly had a hand in our lives. Chad really began bringing up adoption with me. One night my dearest friend and neighbor, who had also been struggling with infertility, invited us to go with her to a presentation that was being put on by some of the members of our church in our area. Chad and I agreed to go with her and I will forever be grateful to her for that invitation. It was that night that I knew and had my confirmation of what I knew our Father in Heaven had planned for us. I think Chad breathed a sigh of relief that night as I told him that I really felt that we should try adoption! I believe that he always knew what was right for us, but knew that I would need to come to that same conclusion before we could move forward. When I set my mind on something, I typically move forward pretty quickly and so just a few days after this meeting, I had our papers filled out and ready to turn in so that we could move forward.
We were approved in November and have been anxiously waiting and eager for the right birthparents to come along. The wait has not been without struggle, but I know that this is the right path for us. The Lord has taught us so many lessons over the last three years and I will forever be grateful for them. I can see His hand in all the choices that Chad and I have made in our lives, even in simple things like where we decided to move and the friends that we have made. We will forever be grateful and indebted to the wonderful family and friends that we have met along the way and for their continual support in the process. We know that at the end of our trials, we will always be able to look back and know that they made us better people.
Tara
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